My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
