The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
