and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
