Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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