My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
