Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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