I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
