So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
