These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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