hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
