I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we're so committed to being not committed
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