So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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