I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
