ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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