The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
