Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this boner is exhausting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
