I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
