I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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