haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
