Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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