That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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