I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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