saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize