sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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