i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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