hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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