i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
