That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
