i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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