hotel room ftw
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
