I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
