he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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