I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
