Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
do herpes really smell.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
