How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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