sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
