real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
