I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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