I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
