is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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