C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
