You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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