Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
