"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
