i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
