Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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