I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
