he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
