So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
