need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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