you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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