i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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