He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
