He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
