I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
