I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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